What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
