Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
