What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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