i just had sex bonerless
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm too high and old for this...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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