If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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