oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
