And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
