So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
