hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
