Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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