i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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