I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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