i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
