Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
