when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
