I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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