Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
