everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
