I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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