You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
