Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
