Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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