Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
