I'm eating all of the evidence.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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