this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
