hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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