I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
