don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
