Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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