Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
