it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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