it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
