PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
