i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
