YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
