Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
