My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
