she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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