Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she smelled like a LAN party
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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