dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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