sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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