Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
