Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
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I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize