dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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