oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
