I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
