the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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