There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
