I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize