sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
