By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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