Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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