Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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