The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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