What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
