Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
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I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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