Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
