Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
