im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
