I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
