FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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