Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
