And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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