I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
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Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
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That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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