a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
3pm strippers are depressing
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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