My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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