im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
