I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
