You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I lost the right to judge tonight
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
