I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
accomplished twins. life is a go
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
