So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
