We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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