I just saw a hot homeless man
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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