I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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