Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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